Sugar Confession

I have been binging on sugar.

(I have to make this confession to somebody, so I choose you, Anonymous Internet World.)

I really don't understand why when I have a sugar craving, I can't just be like, "Dear God, help me to control myself, and give me something else to do besides eat sugar right now." I'm sure he would, but for some reason I avoid doing that in those moments because I just want to eat sugar!

Then a few hours later, I'm like, Why did I do that? And I've eaten so much sugar I feel like it would be so easy to never eat sugar again because blech, I don't even want it. (The best cure for sugar addiction is to eat a bunch till you're sick of it right? Wrong.)

Eating sugar only makes me want to eat more sugar. One time I didn't eat any sugar for an entire year (besides fruit and honey), but I was getting pretty self-righteous and stressed out about it by the end, so I stopped. This was me at a group gathering:

"Does that have sugar in it?"

"Oh, I don't eat sugar."

"And now let me talk to you about why nobody should eat sugar."

It was pretty annoying, even to myself, so now I have a new sugar rule that I have yet to actually follow, but I intend to (hopefully). It is this:

I will not eat sweets unless I am with a friend, and even then I will decide in my head right away how many pieces I will let myself have (probably one, or two if they're small). So that way I can still bake things and be social, but I will not sit at home stressed or depressed, eating peanut butter pretzel after peanut butter pretzel, or scoops of white cane sugar (which is what it has come to recently I'm embarrassed to say).

I will not let sugar control my life, and I will pray when I am having issues. Internet, you are my accountability partner. I would like it if you pray for me and call me out when I'm failing. Can I trust you with that? Probably not, but that's okay. One day I will take my honest thoughts and struggles to real people, but until then, you will do. Talk to you later. -Tracy

Avocado Break

I'm watching this documentary Hungry for Change, and all of a sudden I want to eat a whole bunch of avocados.

Actually I think I always want to eat a whole bunch of avocados.

I almost want to turn the documentary off and go buy an avocado and eat it--plain, because I'm not sure what I'm allowed to eat with it that wouldn't be bad for me.